Maybe later. How many times have you said this? Or maybe you prefer in a minute; a close yet similar sentiment. If you're being honest, you probably say it more often than you'd like to admit. And who hasn’t!
It’s not usually intentional. It’s really because we ALWAYS have demands on our time. A tad dramatic, sure, but there’s really no end to the projects, assignments and to-do lists, we swear we "just need to finish" before we can focus on the people right in front of us.
So, what happens if maybe later comes out of our mouth way too much and becomes a trade-off to building connection with one another? Because we all know, it’s not usually our boss or our friends we are saying this to, it’s our partner. And the consequences of this can be really high. We end up trapped in a cycle of allowing external demands on our time to trump prioritizing our relationship and it puts our whole foundation at risk.
A maybe later mindset leads to disconnection with our mate, but also a loss of each other. What I mean is that when we spend more time focusing our energy outside the relationship, we often return to a very different partner. Not because they have changed all that much, but the connection, the energy, the intimacy that once was, has now dried up. We are left feeling like we don’t even know the person lying next to us.
What happens if we shelf our relationship to focus solely on outside demands of our time?
Will it be the same when we return?
Will we recognize each other?
Honestly…no you probably won’t.
And a lot of the time the in a minute response isn’t intentional. We often have a very naïve view that our “safe haven” can run on autopilot without putting in the time and energy that such a connection requires. Couples assume that a great deal of energy can be focused outside of the relationship and the consequences will be minimal.
The sad part is that this is rarely the case. When we put off focusing time and energy into the most important relationship in our life, we are left with a malnourished, dehydrated and lethargic kind of love. And who wants that?
So take a moment. Look back over the past few days, weeks and months to see if you’ve been putting your relationship first or if you’ve been allowing other “things” to get in the way and create an in a minute mindset.
If you’re realizing that in order to have the relationship you really want, you need to pour some energy back into your mate, here are some simple things to get you back on track and ditch the maybe later attitude:
· Have an electronic free evening together
· Make a meal together
· Face each other when you are talking to one another
· Eat your dinner together at the table and not on the couch
· Schedule a time each night that all work and family talk has to end so you can just spend time together as a couple
You can turn this around. You can put down the phone, turn off the outside noise, ignore distractions and shift your maybe later mindset. I see this sort of change every day in my office!
And I want to hear from you? I want to know how a maybe later mindset has impacted your relationship. How did you notice this was occurring? How did you change it around?
I want to know what this journey is like for you.