Why do we shame ourselves for asking for help?
I’m truly interested in this answer. And if someone has it, please share it with me.
Because I find over and over again that people are the harshest critics of themselves, especially when they ask for help. It’s like somewhere along the way we learned that asking for help is weak, that we should be able to do it all on our own and asking for help is a sign you’re not superwoman (or superman).
And it seems that asking for help in our relationships is one of the worst.
I mean we work with a trainer or attend a work out class to get fit. We watch The Food Network and read cookbooks to learn how to cook. So, why the heck are we so hard on ourselves when we call a therapist for help?
Shouldn’t we be doing this automatically? I know I don’t work on my own car because I’m not a mechanic. And I certainly don’t fly myself places because I’m not a pilot. So why would I shame myself for going to a couples therapist to work on my love relationship.
And just so you know, as a couple’s therapist, I’m not there to judge you, to shame you, to criticize you. I’m there to congratulate you! You did it!! Yahoo!! You made it to couple’s therapy.
I honestly want to celebrate each time a couple calls to ask for help, because it means that there is one less couple out there buying into the myth that true love is effortless. Or the other doozy, if we have to work hard in love it must not be right.
So again I ask, why do we shame ourselves for asking for help?
I’m going to take a stand. I’m taking a stand against couples shaming themselves when they need help in love. I’m taking a stand against couples limping along in a lackluster marriage because they’re too afraid of asking for help to make it dynamic, joyful and loving.
And most importantly, I’m taking a stand against anyone that uses the “should” word around me. No more “I should be able to do this on my own”, or it “shouldn’t be this much work”. No way, not anymore.
Who else is with me? I sincerely believe that the more people we have unified in this voice of empowering others (and ourselves) to ask for help, the more we can bring an amazing ripple effect!
If you’re with me, let me know! I want to know what your journey through connection and love is like and how you’re applying these tools in your relationship.
Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, give me a call, 916.955.3200 or comment below.
I can’t wait to hear from you.