As some of you know….I’m kinda crafty. I may have a few too many Pinterest boards and I may or may not have a bag that truly says “Crafty A** B*tch” (see pic).
Now one of the first rules of crafting is don’t look to close at the creation. You see, any good crafter knows you’ve got to hold up your masterpiece about 10 feet away from whoever you’re showing it off to.
Why you ask? Well….up close you see all the little imperfections. You see the little places the paint may have dried funny. You see the overflow of hot glue. And the places and spots that didn’t turn out like you planned.
You need to step back to see it in all it’s glory. You’ve got to gain a greater perspective in order to really appreciate it.
And friends, the same is true in our relationships. Sometimes we can be standing too close. We can be staring so closely at what’s not working we fail to have any perspective. We can’t see our part in the disconnection and we really can’t see the best way to repair it.
We can become so entrenched in the bad. So focused on what’s going wrong. That it’s all we see. And that’s a pretty risky place to stand.
Yes, bad things happen in love. We hurt. Injuries occur. Trust bends and breaks. But sometimes we have to take a few steps back from the pain in order to be able to heal it.
In order to really to see the work that needs to be done, we have to accurately see how we’re showing up. And we have to be able to see the reasons why we’re working so damn hard…. we have to step back.
I get calls from couples all the time saying, if we just resolved this one issue, we would be back on track. If we just communicated better, we wouldn’t be so angry. If we just had more sex, we would be more loving. If we just co-parented more effectively, we wouldn’t be so frustrated.
But they’re just focusing on the one thing, the spot if you will, rather than stepping back to accurately see all the dynamics that are playing into the disconnection. Because truth be told, it’s never just about communication, or sex or the kids and we need to be able to step back in order to really work at it.
And that’s really a huge part of what couples counseling is about. It allows us to step away from a very entrenched place in our relationship. It’s allows us the ability to take a step back from the intensity of the disconnection and really gain the tools necessary to heal and reconnect in all aspects of the relationship.
And this isn’t easy.
It’s surely a heck of a lot different than stepping back to admire a craft project.
So if stepping back feels to scary or you’ve forgotten how, or if you need a crafty b*tch to help with stepping away from the conflict and moving towards healing, then please reach out. That’s why I do the work I do.
As always, I want to know what your journey in love and connection is like. That’s why I do this work. Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call, 916.955.3200.