I Need You To See Me
My toddlers are quickly becoming kids and will be starting Kindergarten this Fall. It’s truly hard for me to believe that they’ve grown so quickly and to realize the little people that they’re becoming in the world.
Their independence is fierce and their desire to figure things out on their own is becoming more and more hardwired. I often find myself sitting on the sidelines, waiting for them to ask for help versus jumping in and doing like I did in those early years.
And sometimes sitting on the sidelines is really hard because I see them struggling….trying….getting frustrated. Yet firm on figuring it out on their own. Their attempts aren’t perfect, but they’re truly determined and that is a beautiful thing.
Watching them the other day, I realized how much they need me to see them trying. They need to be encouraged as they struggle, slowed down when they want to give in to frustration and reassured when they throw their hands up in defeat.
And us as adults are the same way. You desperately need to be seen by your partner, even in your failed attempts. You need to be noticed over there, in the corner, trying your hardest to connect…to forgive…to heal…even when you’re not doing it perfectly.
The need to be seen, even in your failed attempts, is a universal need. You’re hardwired for it. And you don’t outgrow it. Cradle to grave. Start to finish.
The easiest first step in doing this is by creating a culture of appreciation in your home. And with each other.
Using the skills you’ve developed as parents…as friends…as siblings…is the simplest way to apply those skills in your love relationship.
Today, after reading this, I challenge you to encourage your partner for all the attempts, all the stumbles and all the efforts they make in your relationship.
Work hard today, and the days to come, to create a culture of appreciation in your home. And accept, that you truly do need to know that you’re being seen as you try so hard to love each other.
I can’t wait to hear how you take on this challenge in your own relationship. Reach out and share your own attempt, stumbles and efforts; firstname.lastname@example.org or 916.955.3299