Love on the Brain

Love On The Brain

I have a VERY eclectic musical taste.  From classic rock, to country to rap, I’m pretty much game to listen to anything.  And what I love about music is the place it takes you. Music has the amazing quality of helping us say the things we feel and think.  The stuff we can’t put words to.

And so much music is about love. New love. Old love. Brokenhearted love. Wounded love. Healing love.

Lately I’ve been so captivated by the lyrics of Rihanna’s song- “Love On The Brain” because I feel like she beautifully describes what it’s like to try and get close to someone in love.  Especially when you’re both struggling to be vulnerable.

I’m fist fighting through fire just to get close to you.

We desire closeness in our relationships. But sometimes, probably more often than we’d like to admit, we sabotage the ways we call our partners to come close to us.  It can feel like we’re fist fighting through fire just to get close to each other.  Like we’re trying our hardest to reach each other but instead feel like we’re grasping at open air. 

I’m fist fighting through fire just to get close to you.

Connection in love is one of the most delicate yet durable phenomenon. You desire closeness. You’re scared and want to be reassured.  And instead of calling softly, you shout. You protest.  You hide.  You sabotage.  You face disappointment.

I’m fist fighting through fire just to get close to you.

And this connection can only be created and maintained through safety, not sabotage. You have to have the ability to call to one another without criticizing, attacking or ghosting on one another.  Because otherwise it really is like you’re fist fighting through fire just to get close to each other.

How do you slow the flames if your ability to maintain connections looks more like a forest fire running rampant?

Well, you have to start by being real with each other. 

And I get that’s much easier said than done.  But it’s vital to move out of the fire and into safety.  If you’re so well defended that you are unreachable in love, you need to be aware of that self-sabotaging habit. If you’re trying to reach your partner and notice that your attempt is overwhelmed by anger and resentment, you have to deal with it.  And if you’re scared to be vulnerable, you have to heal it. 

If this describes your relationship, please reach out for help.  Call for support. But whatever you do, don’t stay fist fighting through fire just to get close to each other.

Yours,

A

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