Needing to Be Right Leaves Us Nowhere But Alone
I’d say the most common things couples call and ask for support around is communication. Yes, intimacy and healing trust are close seconds, but the initial call is usually around communication.
And communication in and of itself is a tricky thing. Because honestly, most communication is really up to interpretation…or perspective. Unfortunately you aren’t built to be an accurate self observer and often times you leave a situation believing you were entirely right, when in fact your perspective has left you blinded to what really just went down.
Sadly, what I find over and over again is that when a couple is stuck holding onto their individual truths, it doesn’t make them more “right”, instead it leaves them feeling alone.
Let me say that again. Holding onto your truth as fact doesn’t make you more right, it makes you more alone.
And more often than you’d like to admit, you can’t seem to let your “truth” die. So…why can’t you let loose your grip on your perspective as fact?
Because you’re scared you are not being heard. And you fear that it if you let go of your truth, you’ll end up even more misunderstood and alone.
And that couldn’t be farther from what actually happens. Because honestly, the more that you work to understand your own perspective (and your partners) you actually can have this amazing experience of being even more connected.
Quite honestly, there is no “right” truth when it comes to relationships. There’s how you saw it, how your partner saw it and how it really went down.
And you’re much more successful in communication when you’re working to understand all three of those perspectives.
And that sounds all fine and good, but how do you do it?
Well let’s break it down:
Step 1: Accept that your truth is really your perspective, not fact. I get this sounds like a silly first step, but you can’t do the rest without first accepting this.
Step 2: Slow down and find one thing about your partner’s perspective that you want to really work to understand.
Step 3: Once you’ve picked the one thing you want to understand from your mate’s perspective, let them help you with it! Ask open ended questions, come from a place of curiosity not judgment, and be open to what you’ll learn.
Step 4: Weave in the new understanding of your mate’s perspective into yours and see what new, more true story develops. This can take time and practice, so don’t give up if you need to start back at the top and work the steps through again.
I promise you, it’s so worth the time. You’re going to be pleasantly surprised on what you end up learning about yourself, your partner and your relationship.
If you feel like you’re getting stuck; please reach out. That’s what we’re here for. Staying stuck and alone is NOT what relationships are all about. Give us a ring, 916.955.3200 or email at firstname.lastname@example.org
I can’t wait to hear from you as you work to find a more shared perspective.