Do you “right” fight?
You’ve heard the term “right” fighting before, right? You know the type of fighting that’s more about being right and less about trying to get the root of a problem and find a solution. Yup, that’s the kind! It’s like toxic ooze to a relationship.
Now just to be clear, arguments, disagreements, and conflicts are a normal and healthy part of any relationship, BUT there’s also good ways to fight and bad ways to fight.
One of those bad ways to fight is when you are fighting tooth and nail to be right and generally have no interest in finding a resolution to the issue.
Here’s some quick examples:
- If you find yourself in an argument with your mate and the raised voices and intensity of emotion is more around being heard and less about mutual understanding, than you may be right fighting.
- If you’re in the middle of conflict with your mate and can’t remember what you’re actually fighting about but continue on anyway, you might be right fighting.
- If you walk away from a disagreement and can’t think of one point your partner made, you may have just been right fighting.
So what happens if you are stuck in this type of arguing and it’s tearing apart your relationship? How do you step back and stop trying so hard to be right?
Ask yourself these questions next time you’re arguing:
- Is being right the most important objective in this moment?
- Will being right in this conflict help resolve the bigger issue occurring in your relationship?
- Of all the issues you may have in the relationship, is the one you’re fighting so intensely about right now the sword you want to fall on?
If you answered NO to any of these then you are ready to stop fighting to be right.
Try these tips next time you feel the urge to right fight and see if you can get a different (and much more productive) result.
- Ask yourself why it feels so important in this moment to be right?
- Challenge yourself to bring up the real issue that you are concerned about?
- Slow yourself down enough to actually hear your mate instead of waiting for them to finish talking so you can jump in to defend.
Good luck and let me know how it goes next time you get the urge to “right” fight and instead implement one of these tips. Send your feedback on how it worked to firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a buzz at 916.955.3200.