At Least I Can Say That I've Tried
So who is with me on the new Adele song Hello? Holy smokes it’s amazing. I don’t know how many times I’ve listened to it and yet each time it absolutely floors me. It’s amazing how music can move us in ways that are nearly impossible to describe.
The thing that grips me with “Hello” is the intensity of not just her words, but the pain you can feel in her voice. The longing. The regret.
At least I can say that I’ve tried….to tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart.
Because loss and regret are like that. It leaves us so wanting. It makes us want to at least say we tried. Even if trying means we can’t erase the pain.
I know Adele’s song speaks to so much loss, but I really feel that the emotion she shares can also help in healing the love we still share with someone.
Because the truth is that regret doesn’t only happen when a relationship ends, it can also happen when we’re knee deep in love. And there’s a huge potential to create healing and connection to lessen regret in love.
But let’s lay a foundation first, to make sure we’re on the same page. First, injury happens in relationship. And I’m not talking about physical injury…that should never happen in our relationships. I’m talking about the ways we injure emotionally. We say things out of anger. We act before we slow down to think. We can operate from a place of self versus other.
And causing injury in love creates regret. Because we don’t mean to injure. We don’t mean to cause damage or hurt our partner.
But what do we do with that regret? Can we heal so it doesn’t cause the relationship to break apart?
The short answer is yes…..but it’s not a short process my friends.
First, healing injury doesn’t make it go away. The hardest part about our words is that once we let them out, we can’t take them back. But we’ll become filled with regret if we don’t at least try to make amends.
So the first step in healing is not placing the expectation that it will erase the pain. The main goal in asking forgiveness…knowing that we at least tried….letting go of regret is to decrease the pain not remove it.
We do this by moving slow. By seeing the injury from our mate’s perspective. By showing empathy and not trying to convince or justify why we caused the pain in the first place.
I know this sounds like the smallest bit of action, but trust me….it’s huge.
To tell you I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. Because it’s no secret that the both of us are running out of time.
So what regret are you holding onto in love? What do you need to make amends for? Where do you need to reach out to start healing?
Let me know how taking the first step was for you? I love to hear your success stories and how you’re navigating any stumbling blocks. Even better, let’s create a plan specific to your relationship on how to navigate those stumbling blocks.
As always, I want to know what your journey in love and connection is like. It’s why I do this work. Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call, 916.955.3200.