How Willing Are You In Love?



How Willing Are You In Love?

As a relationship specialist the majority of work I do in my Sacramento therapy office is around relationships…go figure right?  Whether it’s a couple trying to make their relationship even better, a couple on the brink of divorce and hoping that therapy can prevent them from breaking up or an individual working to find their ideal mate, I work with it all. 

And as diverse as the folks are that I work with, there is a very important shift that has to happen for the counseling process to be successful.   Now granted, there are many shifts that have to happen for therapy to be effective, but there is one that really trumps them all. 

It’s the shift from blaming to owning.  When folks come to me, they are typically pretty miserable.  And when we are miserable, it is 9000x easier to blame fault on others than it is to see our role in continuing the dysfunction. 

In therapy, I really have to know how much you’re willing to give in love?

How much are you willing to risk?

How much are you willing to change?

How much are you willing to own?

Because my Sacramento office is a place of change and hope, not a place of gun’s a blazin’, find the villain, it’s all one person’s fault.

So how is this done? 

Well, it starts with pulling back from the latest fight to obtain a helicopter perspective on the relationship.  As each person allows their anger, sadness and disappointment to slow down and be heard, they begin to see the ways they are contributing to the pain.  It becomes safe to say, “maybe it wasn’t all your fault” or “maybe we can rebuild this together”

If you are finding yourself leaving arguments with a really clear picture of what your mate did to screw it up again but little to no awareness of your own part, than you may be asking yourself the wrong questions.

Maybe it’s time to start asking yourself:

What am I willing to own?

What am I willing to change?

What am I willing to risk in order to improve this relationship?

Maybe it’s time to reach out for support.  Maybe it’s time for therapy.  Because healing a disconnected relationship is always possible.

I want to hear how this content impacts you.  Reach out and connect.  I want to hear about your journey.