Married at First Sight: How to Make Love Last!
Is anyone else watching “Married at First Sight”? This show has me beyond intrigued.
The premise of the show is that four experts (a Psychologist, Spiritual Advisor, Sex therapist and a Sociologist) interview, assess and evaluate hundreds of individuals to find 3 couples that are “perfect matches” for each. The 3 couples then MEET (and I mean seeing each other for the first time EVER) at the altar on their wedding day and say “I do” without knowing a single thing about each other besides that they have been matched as each other’s ideal mate.
The couples spend the next 6 weeks getting to know one another, moving in together, and combining lives in one of the most interesting social experiments around. At the end of the 6 weeks they decide to continue on in the marriage or file for divorce, because they have entered into a true and legally binding marriage.
Like I said, extremely fascinating!
The most interesting line the experts say is something to the effect, “based on all of the information gathered, these couples are perfect matches for each other, now it’s up to them to put the work into the relationship to see if they can make it last”.
Wait….what?? You’re telling me these experts picked the perfect matches and now it’s up to the couples to make it work??
Sure, I’m being a bit sarcastic, but what I love about that line is that is actual real life! And real love!
Even if we’re married to our ideal match we STILL have to work on the relationship to have success. And not fully accepting this is a trap I see couples fall into all of the time. They start off the relationship with love, patience and acceptance in such abundance that they can’t imagine a time when disconnection or disappointment may occur.
But as time goes on and the “newness” of their relationship falls away, they fail to put the time in to create a lasting and connected love.
And the results can be very sad.
When we lose sight of each other we often lose sight of all the reasons that attracted us to our mate in the first place.
So how do we get it back? How do we continue to put the work into our relationship to make it what it was like in the beginning? Especially if we felt like ideal matches at the beginning.
Well…this is what you do.
1) You focus on the strengths of the relationship and work to minimize the weaknesses.
2) You keep it in perspective. Not allowing a fight, a disagreement, or a lapse in trust to become the definition of your bond and you work to repair.
3) You are intentional about the time you spend together. You don’t discount the importance of being present in your time with one another
4) You create touchstones or markers in your relationship to not let it drift too far off course.
5) You prioritize the right things!
What about you? Are you putting the work into your relationship to have it thrive and grow or are you expecting that being perfect matches on paper should carry you through?
If you find yourself getting stuck in the same disconnection over and over again, maybe now’s the time for some extra support? Couples counseling is an awesome way to get things back on track! Don’t hesitate to reach out to me in my Sacramento Therapy offices.
As always, I want to hear from you! I want to know what your journey through connection and love is like.
Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, give me a call, 916.955.3200 or comment below.
I can’t wait to hear from you.