Are You Attuned To Your Mate?
Do you know when your partner’s in pain? Do you know the moments that you need to respond to in order to provide support and comfort? Often times couples can know each other without KNOWING each other and that’s where attunement comes in.
In order for us to really KNOW our partner, we need to be able to decipher between the moments that matter and the ones that aren’t that important.
Attunement is the ability to be in-sync with our partner, connected and then being able to respond to those moments that matter.
Now to be fair, often times it’s about becoming more clear in how we send the message. You know, asking for what we want versus hinting and alluding to it. But often times you can be really good in sending the message, but not so great at attuning to your mate and picking up on their messages.
So how do we better attune? How do we receive the signals from our mate and respond to the moments that matter?
The best way to attune to one another is to have a really clear understanding of each other’s raw spots.
What are raw spots you ask? They are the raw and vulnerable places within ourselves that when tapped, our response is quite exaggerated.
Think of it this way, you have a broken arm and you’re walking in crowded mall. Someone bumps into your non injured arm and it’s no big deal. But if someone bumps into your broken arm, your response is huge? “Ow, you hurt me, why would you do that!?”
The same thing happens in our love relationships. When a raw spot is tapped by our partner, even if it’s unintentionally, we have a big response. And if we aren’t attuned to our partner, we may not even know what their raw spots are. And this can be dangerous, right? We don’t want to go stomping around our relationships injuring each other.
So to attune we need to know each other’s raw spots.
And sometimes this is a big conversation. There has to be safety. There has to be trust. And our mate has to know that if they share their raw spots with us we will be open and kind.
So lay that foundation. Work on rebuilding trust. Work on creating safety. Because I guarantee if we have the right environment when we explore our raw spots, amazing things happen.
And there is no better relationship then one in which we’re attuned to each other.
Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help navigating through this stuff. Often times it can be challenging to explore raw spots on your own and counseling is an amazing resource to work through it safely and effectively. Having a loving and connected relationship is hard work but man is it worth it!
As always, I want to hear from you! I want to know what your journey through connection and love is like and most of all I want to know how you’re applying these tools into your own relationship.
Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, give me a call, 916.955.3200 or comment below.
I can’t wait to hear from you.