Did Jeter have it all right?
I was out to dinner with my husband not too long ago on a rare but much enjoyable date night. Across the restaurant from me sat a lovely family of four and each one had their noses buried in a smart phone. I was so fascinated to see how long it was going to take them to look up at one another that eventually my husband nudged me under the table and told me to stop staring.
Even a few weeks later, this image of a table full of people so deeply connected with something but so deeply disconnected from each other intrigues me. It makes me think that Derek Jeter had it right all along. Follow me here for a second.
There are many of you that are probably familiar with the Captain from his batting average, shortstop skills and classy attitude, but few of you may know about his refusal to allow anyone past his entry way with a phone. Yes Jeter is a private guy, but he’s also a guy that wants people to come over and really connect with one another. He literally has a basket waiting for you when you walk in the front door to leave your phone only to be returned upon your exit later in the evening.
Can you imagine? I personally would love to attend a dinner party that required this of the guests (for the record I’d also like to be invited to a dinner party at Derek Jeter’s home, but I digress).
So let’s do it! How can we be more Jeter-like in love? And no I don’t mean by starting to date supermodels and enjoy lavish nights out on the town! But how can we be more engaged with those around us?
The biggest symptom of marital distress is disconnection from one another. Disconnection may seem like an abstract term, but what we’re talking about is how emotionally in sync are we with one another? Can we feel confident to reach out physically and offer affection? Can we be vulnerable with our wants and needs? Can we raise issues of concern without criticizing or attacking? These are all possible when we’re connected in love.
But when we’re disconnected, we can’t be playful…can’t be intimate…can’t be vulnerable…can’t communicate openly… how bleak does that sound?
So here’s your challenge for the week. I want you to choose at least one night that your phone goes “in the basket” when you walk through the front door after work. I want you to use that time to observe the relationships around you. What does your mate look like through a distracted free lens? What do you notice differently about your kids when your attention isn’t being pulled away from the notifications on your phone?
I’m super interested to see what you learn. And I’m committing to doing this in my own home this week too.
After you complete this challenge, I want to hear how it went and what you noticed.
If it ends up being a tough one, reach out! That’s what I’m here for. Because if it’s been a while since you looked at your mate “distraction free”, it’s going to take some time to build that connection back and couples counseling is one of the best ways to do it!
I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
916.955.3200 or firstname.lastname@example.org