Date Night Fix

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Date Night Fix

Isn’t it ironic that the busyness of life keeps us from investing in our relationship yet our relationship is actually what grounds us and allows us to be successful in the busyness of life?

Talk about a vicious cycle.

And I don’t know about you, but this irony is quite true in my own marriage and in the many and many marriages that I work with in my Sacramento counseling practice.

We’re so bogged down by our commitments and responsibilities that we often time forget to look up to see if the person we started this journey with is still by our side.  Sadly, a drift from each other starts because we haven’t invested into our partnership with the same time and energy that we’ve invested into our career, hobbies or friendships.

We’ve very unconsciously taken for granted the most important relationship in our lives…the one with our mate.

So, what’s the solution you ask?

Well I could continue this post by listing all the important ways to prioritize each other, focus on the connection, build communication, and restore intimacy…but I’m not.  Now that stuff is UBER important, but it can also be overwhelming when the list of how to restore connection is long.

Instead, I’m going to give you one thing to do tonight to begin that road back to prioritizing and grounding your relationship.

I want you to take a piece of paper out and cut it into 12 strips.

1.      Give 6 of them to your partner and you keep the other 6. 

2.    Set a timer for 10 minutes. 

3.    During that time each of your writes down a different activity, restaurant, sporting event, etc. on your strips of paper. 

4.    Keep in mind that these need to be completely doable activities.  No trips to the Caribbean, just simple things like a picnic in your favorite park, dinner at the new sushi place in Midtown, etc. 

5.     Be specific as possible so there’s no room for guessing (i.e. name the part you’d like to picnic at).

6.    Once you and your partner have completed each of your 6 strips, take all 12 strips (6 yours, 6 theirs) and put them into a jar on the counter. 

7.     Lastly pull out your calendar, preferably electronic and put a repeating reminder for the 1st of each month that will alert BOTH of you to set your date night for that month. 

8.    When the first of the month arrives, you go to the jar, pull out a strip and that will be your date for the month. 

No fuss.  No lamenting over what to do.  No putting it off because you’re out of ideas. 

Final step…follow through on it.  This is the most important step.  You cannot and will not avoid the busyness of life.  You cannot and will not ever be able to put aside all of your other responsibilities and commitments. 

But you can and should be putting in regular and consistent attention into your relationship in order to have it thrive.  Trust me when I say that putting in the work now, avoids so much pain and heartache down the road when you find yourself strangers in the same room. 

I want you to share with me how your first month went of using your date night jar.  I want to know what your journey through connection and love is like and how you’re applying these tools in your relationship.

Send me an email,, give me a call, 916.955.3200 or comment below. 

I can’t wait to hear from you.