Caught vs Confessed. Does It Make The Truth Any Different?


Caught vs Confessed. Does It Make The Truth Any Different?

For the record, the truth coming out when you’re caught is not the same as you confessing it yourself.   

The internet is blowing up right now over the Ashley Madison hack and I think you have to be living under a rock (or away from mainstream media) to not be hearing the news stories about the fallout of this.   

My heart has been heavy as I think about the unsuspecting spouses and partners that are finding out devastating news about their relationship and questioning whether they can recover from the betrayal of an affair.

Sadly enough, all of these injured partners are finding out because the unfaithful partner has been caught, not because they’ve confessed.  Because you see, betrayal is crushing to a relationship, but it can level one when betrayal is discovered instead of disclosed.

Now by no means am I saying the fall out from infidelity or any type of deceit is better when it’s disclosed or confessed, but I do know with certainty that the devastation felt when it’s discovered is a whole different ball game.

Simply said, there’s a big difference between being caught versus confessing. 

When we confess, we have the opportunity to maintain a shred of integrity.  Sure our word has been called into question, but we have the ability to come clean on our own.

When we confess, we’re able to deliver the shattering news in a time, place and manner that attempts to reduce the pain and humiliation our injured partner will experience.

When we confess, we’re able to reduce at least one painful element of the betrayal.  The element that they found out from us and not someone else.

But sadly enough, when we’re caught, we lose all of this and so much more.    We even have the potential to lose it all.

Now I know that confessing is EXTREMELY difficult.  I know that there are major fears and doubts that arise around whether or not your relationship can withstand this bombshell.  And I also know there are considerations around every disclosure. Was it a one time thing? Is it ongoing?  Are you confessing just to make yourself feel less guilty? Etc, etc.  None of these will be tackled in the brevity of this post.

Honestly, the one thing I want you to think on today, is if this post applies to you and your relationship is this…...will the betrayal be intensified if the truth comes from you or if the truth isdiscovered on it’s own?

Because judging from the Ashley Madison fall out, I’d say confessing may not be as earth shattering as being caught in an affair.

If you’re battling disclosing an affair or trying to heal after the discovery of one, please reach out for support.  And tune in next week as I discuss if and how you can heal from infidelity in your relationship. 

Please do reach out in the meantime as I know how intense doing this healing from an affair can be and you need as many allies on your journey as possible.  Send me an email, or give me a call at 916.955.3200. 

Until next week.