Be the Mirror

Be the Mirror

I know you’ve all heard the great Ghandi quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.  And I whole heartedly believe it.  I believe that you have 8000 times more power to influence change when you’re doing it too!

But if you need one quote that packs a bit more punch to realize the power of influencing change, here it is: “If you want to be successful, focus on your own sh*t!”

We have to accept that our greatest power to influence change, especially in our relationships is by doing it first!

And as spot on as both of these quotes are, they often get lost when couples first start therapy. They’re in such a place of pain, that they’re hyperaware of what they’re mate is doing and have little to no awareness of how they’re negatively influencing the dynamic. 

The hard part is they’re coming in super vulnerable and wanting change to happen, but struggling to see what they can do to create change around them. 

So my job is to encourage couples to shift their focus from an outward gaze to an inward one. Neurologically we’re not wired to look outward. Most of our brain functioning is built around observing, viewing and seeing. But not much around introspection and self-awareness.

Yet that is the functioning that is most beneficial in your relationships.  Right? Your ability to see yourself is the greatest strength you bring to your relationship.

Your ability to see your strengths. To see your shortcomings. To see your areas of growth. To see your areas of healing.

So I want to inspire you to hold up a mirror. Challenge yourself to not ask anything of your partner that you’re not willing to do yourself.  Push yourself to be quicker to see what you need and how you’re going to get there and slower to remind your partner how they’re falling short!

Be the change you wish to see in the world.  Oh and focus on your own sh*t!

And if you’re in need of some help with looking inward, please reach out. That’s what we’re here for; 916.955.3200 or visit we’d love to help!