Fighting For Each Other or Fighting Each Other?
We’re in our intimate relationship for a reason. Hopefully reasons. And despite all the amazing reasons.…sometimes we need to take a step back to be sure we’re really fighting for each other and not accidentally fighting each other.
I believe in love, both personally and professionally, and sincerely believe that there are SO many reasons we should fight to make our relationships work. (Side note: I also think that there are some reasons not to fight to make relationships work…but I digress).
When couples come into therapy, they’re fighting hard to heal the things that aren’t working. And unfortunately fighting FOR each other can often look like fighting EACH other. It’s almost like you’ve identified each other as the enemy and are working your hardest to fully annihilate each other in hopes that it will destroy whatever’s plaguing the relationship.
And sadly, you’re ruining each other in the process.
It’s honestly hard to watch, because I know it’s not what couples are meaning or intending to do.
So what do you do about it? How do you shift away from fighting EACH other to fighting FOR each other?
Allow me to insert a graphic. On the left you see a couple fighting each other. The problem is in the middle and they’re firing away with little success at tackling the issue at hand. And completely wounding each other in the process.
On the right you see a couple fighting for each other. They’re firing against the problem together. And actually making a dent because they’re teaming up and working together to tackle whatever is plaguing their relationship. Just that little shift makes a tremendous difference.
If you find yourself falling into the fighting EACH other but really want to shift to fighting FOR each other, print out this graphic and use it as a reminder! It’s powerful how much the shift can make in a relationship.
And if you’re stuck….and can’t seem to make the shift needed, reach out. Please. Don’t stay a day longer in a pattern of fighting EACH other when really what you want and need is to learn how to fight FOR each other. Send an email, firstname.lastname@example.org or give a ring, 916.955.3200, that’s what we’re here for.
I can’t wait to hear what happens in love when you make the shift.