Is Couples Therapy Where Relationships Go To Die?

Is Couples Therapy Where Relationships Go To Die?

I realize the title of this post may sound really intense, but it’s a question that I get asked more often than you’d think.  And quite honestly it’s a valid question because it’s a real fear that many couples have. One that actually prevents them from asking for help.

And sadly, the longer couples put off asking for help, the longer they live in pain.  Really unnecessary pain. 

According to researcher and world renowned couples therapist, John Gottman, couples wait an average of 6 years being unhappy before they reach out for help….SIX YEARS!  Let that sink in for a bit.  Can you imagine the resentment that can build in that time? (Some of you are reading this, nodding along and saying, “um, yes, that’s my life!”)

And really there’s no reason to wait.  Couples therapy is a gift that we give to our relationship.  A gift of hope.  A gift of healing.  A gift of creating a fresh start.

The wild thing is that we have no problem taking our car to a mechanic when it’s making a funny noise or calling our MD for an appointment when we’re sick, but we have the HARDEST time picking up the phone to call a therapist when we’re struggling in love.

And that’s crazy to me.  Yes, I get the stigma.  Yes, I’ve worked in this field for almost 15 years and I get it’s hard. Believe me, I get it.

But that doesn’t have to be the excuse for why you’re putting off asking for help. You can do hard things my friend and if you’re reading this and you’re hurting or your relationship needs some attention and healing, I so hope you know that you deserve it.

I hope that you know you don’t have to live in silent pain. I hope you know that healing can happen. That you can learn to trust again, to feel safe again, to be vulnerable again.

And any good therapist knows that their job is to meet you where you’re at and help you walk the journey of healing. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it. 

If your heart is willing to heal and change, the sky’s the possibility. 

If you’re open and want change to happen….it will!  And I so hope you will.  Because I don’t believe in dedicating my work to perpetuating a myth that couples therapy is where relationships go to die.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out if we can help you and your mate start the healing process.  That’s what we’re here for; 916.955.3200 and

We can’t wait to help.