Precommunication is a funny term that I came up with years ago that has become a super helpful tool in couple’s therapy.  Precommunication is the communication that needs to happen right before you communicate.

Sounds silly, right?

But let me expand a bit.  Whenever you go into communication, you typically (aka always) have a vision of what you want to accomplish. Right?  But the problem is we rarely start conversation by sharing what we want to accomplish. Yes, we share what we want to talk about, but not necessarily the why. And sadly, we end up leaving the conversation feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. The implications of this have a huge impact on your intimate relationship.

So what’s the answer? Precommunication!

It really is.  Think about it, you go to your mate with something that feels important and before you start the conversation, you actually let them know that! You tell them, “hey, this is important and I want to talk to you about it, but I’m worried I’m going to get emotional so can we take it slow and will you be patient as I put words to what I’m trying to say?  I don’t want you to rush in and fix it or tell me how you’ve experienced the same thing.  I just need you to listen as I work through it with you. Is that ok?”

Boom, precommunication!!

What a difference that would make to all of your conversations in love.  If you take the time to communicate before you communicate (aka precommunicate) you’ll be so much better off in your relationship.

If you have questions about this or would love to talk more about the power of precommunication, please reach out, we’d love to help; 916.955.3200 or