Quieting the Noise
One term that I use all of the time in the couple’s therapy room is about the “noise” we get stuck in during communication. And when I say “noise”, I don’t mean this dismissively, I mean it from a place of understanding. Because I get caught in the “noise” in my relationship too.
So what do I mean when I say “noise”? Well, it’s the stuff flying around in your relationship that has NO relevance to what you really need to be talking about and yet it continually come up and distracts you from having the real conversation. It’s the stuff that becomes so circular that you end up confused how you got there but you’re fired up and can’t seem to let it go. It’s the unproductive stuck places that don’t create repair or resolution.
So that’s great and all, but how do you not focus on the noise? How does it not distract you from what you really need to be focusing on?
Well, you have to start by creating a universal white flag. A clear signal for yourself and your partner when you’re finding yourself turning up the dial on the noise.
And as difficult as that can be, it’s absolutely required to be able get below the noise and make progress in love. As much as we like to resist it, relationships take work and require difficult conversations. And if all of your time and energy is spent arguing irrelevant points and minimally important complaints, then you miss significant opportunities to let change happen.
And I want you to have change happen in love. Change helps you heal. Change helps you feel safe and more grounded. Change helps you grow and strengthen what the two of you share.
And focusing on the noise will keep you so stuck that change begins to look like a far off horizon, always just outside of your grasp.
I encourage you to give it a try and see what happens when you actively work to no longer focus on the noise. And please feel free to reach out if you need support or encouragement as that’s what we’re here for, 916.955.3200 or www.LifeUnscriptedCounseling.com. We look forward to connecting.