One term that I use all of the time in the couple’s therapy room is about the “noise” we get stuck in during communication. And when I say “noise”, I don’t mean this dismissively, I mean it from a place of understanding. Because I get caught in the “noise” in my relationship too.
So what do I mean when I say “noise”? Well, it’s the stuff flying around in your relationship that has NO relevance to what you really need to be talking about and yet it continually come up and distracts you from having the real conversation. It’s the stuff that becomes so circular that you end up confused how you got there but you’re fired up and can’t seem to let it go. It’s the unproductive stuck places that don’t create repair or resolution.