getting help

Love on the Brain

I have a VERY eclectic musical taste.  From classic rock, to country to rap, I’m pretty much game to listen to anything.  And what I love about music is the place it takes you. Music has the amazing quality of helping us say the things we feel and think.  The stuff we can’t put words to.

And so much music is about love. New love. Old love. Brokenhearted love. Wounded love. Healing love.

Lately I’ve been so captivated by the lyrics of Rihanna’s song- “Love On The Brain” because I feel like she beautifully describes what it’s like to try and get close to someone in love.  Especially when you’re both struggling to be vulnerable.

Me Too Syndrome

Have you ever walked into the house after a long day and tried to get support from your mate, only to hear, “me too”?  Or you’re trying to share about a concern or need in the relationship and your partner responds with “me too”?

It sucks, right?  Not that you don’t want to hear your mate’s feelings, but when you’re trying to share, “me too” is a big shut down. 

And as much as your partner is trying in the moment, there is nothing worse than looking for support and hearing “me too”.  Because despite it’s best efforts, “me too” leaves you feeling more alone than you’d like to admit. 

Don't Make It Worse!

I love my kids to bits, but some days they are lunatics (remember I say this with love).  We’re deep in the parenting phase of “helping” them to become productive members of society.  Seriously this is what it feels like! 

One thing that seems to be rearing it’s ugly head is this phase of “not starting the issue, but equally contributing to making it worse”.  Any of you out there with kids older than mine, please don’t message me and tell me this phase never goes away (only kidding). 

What Motivates You In Love?

I was listening to sports radio during my drive in the other day and the discussion was on maintaining motivation.  I am truly fascinated by sports (some would say fanatical) because the idea of someone dedicating their whole lives to perfecting a talent is amazing to me.  It takes a special kind of person to sacrifice the way athletes do. Yes, there are big pay offs, but there are also tremendous sacrifices made along the way.  And in order to justify the sacrifices, you not only need dedication to your craft, but you also need an ability to stay intensely motivated.

 Or you’ll simply fall flat.

I Need You To See Me

My toddlers are quickly becoming kids and will be starting Kindergarten this Fall. It’s truly hard for me to believe that they’ve grown so quickly and to realize the little people that they’re becoming in the world.

Their independence is fierce and their desire to figure things out on their own is becoming more and more hardwired.  I often find myself sitting on the sidelines, waiting for them to ask for help versus jumping in and doing like I did in those early years.

Does Anger Make You Dependent On Others?

Anger is truly a dynamic feeling. It’s one of those feelings that you’re regularly denying exists, stuffing it down til it boils over or struggling to let go.

 

What’s so fascinating about anger is the longer you hold onto it, the more dependent you become on the other person, and not in a good way.

 

Let me expand on this for a second. 

Gratitude Changes Everything....But Can It Help You Get Unstuck In Love?

In my teen years,  I so wanted my mom to respond to any crappy situation I was describing with “oh my, that’s bad, really bad.  And it’s always going to be bad. Nothing will ever change it from being so bad”.

How To Apply Therapy Skills At Home.

In my line of work, there are probably 8000 reasons for why folks put off asking for help.  Whether it’s ridiculous stigmas against mental health treatment, the taboo of actually asking for help or just plain old denial of the problem, reaching out gets delayed over and over again.   

Even Therapists Work On Their Relationships: Part II

I’m super excited for the second part of this 2 part blog series on how therapists work on their relationships and create connection.  The feedback I got from all the readers this week was really energizing.  Today rounds out the second half of the top 8 ways therapists across the country create connection in their relationships.  I’m excited to share them with you because I think that what they are saying is dynamite!

What's Driving Your Conflict?

Being stuck is probably one of the most common themes that appears in couple’s therapy.  And I’m not just talking about any sort of stuck.  I’m talking about the deep in the mud, tires spinning, someone call the tow truck, there is no way we’re getting out of here stuck. 

The really interesting thing is, the conflict that couples typically get stuck in isn’t even the real issue.  Stuck in miserable conflict that is a complete distraction from the real issues in the relationship. Sounds crazy, right? 

I'm Sorry, Sort Of...

I'm really sorry that I was a jerk, but you know what you did forced me to act that way, and in the future if you don't act like that, I won't either.

Have you ever received an apology like this? You know the one that starts with "I'm sorry" and ends with minimizing and justifying the actions that just occurred.

In a relationship? Interpreters Please Apply!

Do you ever have those moments in your relationship when you are talking about one thing and your mate is speaking a completely different language?  Well, as a relationship therapist I would like to say I’m immune to this marital woe, but here’s the truth…I’m not. 

The Brilliance of Sports Radio.

I must confess, I don't watch or listen to the nightly news very often. I realize that this may not be the best way to stay current on what is going on locally or nationally, but I feel that the news is really depressing and only highlights the negative in our world. I mean, I have a weather app on my phone so I'm as well informed about temps outside as my local meteorologist is, and they're always right, right? I also listen to A LOT of sports radio. I really am a sports nut and listening to all my favorite sportscasters helps me stay mildly informed about the real world news and really informed about what's going on in the sports world.